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Author:  Craig
E-mail:  not available
Date:  5/13/2010 7:09:42 PM
Subject:  The cure
Message:  I called my brother yesterday evening. I still have tears streaming down my face. He told me of a friend of his that was having problems with stomach pains and indigestion.

This friend went to the doctor since he was pretty uncomfortable and he was worried. After a number of tests, it was determined that he had gall stones. The doctor explained that they could give him something for pain and he could live with it for a while put he may ultimately have to have surgery.

He goes home and started searching the Internet for remedies and cures. He happened across one website that stated that onion juice would actually dissolve the gall stones. He didn't have time to read the entire article, he had the cure in the first paragraph. Hey! That's the ticket! He goes down to the local farmer's market the following Saturday morning on a mission. He buys a twenty pound bag of onions and on his way home, stops off and pays a considerable amount of money for a juicer.

He gets home and he is ready to get this cure underway. He sets up the juicer on the kitchen counter and proceeds to juice a number of onions. His wife gets home, opens the door to the house and yells out to no one in particular, "My God, my eyes are burning! What are you doing?!?!?" She walks in and there he is in the kitchen, teary eyed, next to the "cure machine". She says something about him being crazy and leaves the room.

He gets a full glass of onion juice and stares at it for a few moments. His wife returns and says, "You REALLY aren't going to do this, are you?" If he is anything like the rest of us husbands, he hated hearing those words.   It's almost always taken as a dare. He told her that if it got rid of the discomfort that he was in and he could avoid surgery, then yes, he was going to drink it. The words "your crazy" escaped once again from her lips as she exits the kitchen, waving the air to keep the fumes out of her eyes.

He looked at the glass once again...raised it and brought it to his lips. The fumes instantly caused tears to stream down his face. He pulled the glass away quickly. He stared at it once again, and contemplated. Then, in one fluid motion, he closed his eyes, pinched his nose, and gagged it down...every last drop. He was not expecting what happened next. The first thought was, "Holy Mother of God in Heaven!" as he choked and could no longer breath! His throat was on fire! Tears streamed down his face like a waterfall!   It felt as if his soul was leaving his body! Not more than fractions of a second later, his stomach reacted and a wave of stomach cramps overcame him, violently. He fell to the floor in a crumpled heap, writhing in pain! He then felt himself balling up into the fetal position, all the while gasping for air, trying to breathe! At about that time, his stomach had taken enough abuse. Something has got to give! It evacuated right there on the kitchen floor. The onion juice was just as bad coming from the other direction but this time the juice attached his nasal cavity as well! It was a hundred-fold worse than any horseradish or wasabi he had ever experienced. His wife came into the kitchen at this point. She lost it! She started laughing uncontrollably as she left the kitchen. She returned shortly with her cell phone, barely able to stand from the involuntary laughter. Still laughing, she started taking pictures. "That woman is evil!", he thought through the fog. She then sent the pictures to their daughter's cell phone, who is away at college.

Eventually, he was able to gain enough strength to crawl his way into the bathroom. He was able to pull his face up to porcelain throne and continued to empty the vile contents of his stomach into the bowl. The bad thing was that the first time he did that, there was onion fumes then burning his eyes. He thought he was dying. No really, he thought this was it. There would be no tomorrow. He was able to gain his strength after a couple of hours. He washed and washed is face. He brushed and brushed his teeth and then took a long shower.

It was here where he made a solemn vow to himself.   He was get even with whoever wrote that article on that website. Later that evening, after his wife was no longer laughing and he had gained his composure, he went to their home computer to check the website. Further down in the article, like in the second paragraph...it stated to mix one ounce of onion juice with sixteen ounces of water...

Here it is a week later, the bathroom still smells of onions, the rest of the bag of onions put out with the trash and the juicer stored in a deep, dark corner of a basement cabinet...hopefully, never to be used again for such a "cure".

 The cure  by Craig at 5/13/2010 7:09:42 PM
 Re: The cure  by AS at 5/13/2010 9:13:13 PM
 Re: The cure  by andrew p at 5/13/2010 11:02:39 PM
 Re: The cure  by Chris at 5/17/2010 1:30:21 PM