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BarbraG
Windchimer

1812 Posts

Posted - 05/09/2010 :  21:29:24  Show Profile  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Delete Reply
Lost a friend Friday. Had no idea she was so sick .. hadn't been
to see her as much as I should have in the last couple of weeks.
Friday, when I had intended to go, her daughter called and said
"Joyce" was in ICU .. Went to see her that evening, and was not
ready for the condition I saw her in. She knew me .. and called my
name. Came home and told Roy that I would surprised if she made it
through the night. Her daughter wasn't there when I got there ..
had been to some kind of rehearsal .. While she had been gone, her
mother's vital signs had gotten worse, and her organs were shutting
down... The next afternoon, she came to my door (I live right
next door to where her mother lived). I answered the door and she
said .. "she's gone". "She's GONE ?" Regret and guilt filled
my mind and heart and I cried. Daughter told me the memorial
service would be next Saturday and, then, they were going to
celebrate her life. "celebrate " ?, I thought. The celebration
would have to relate to her before I met her.

I told Roy that I wouldn't be there. He thought we should go.
I said that all I could remember of Joyce's life was the five or
six years we had known her... Her life was full of depression,
illness, and devastating loneliness .. Her daughter had a date
to come to have dinner with her every Tuesday, and didn't come
around much except for that. She would stay for maybe three hours.
Once a week. And, she only lives ten minutes away, if that.

Joyce was a member of the Moose Lodge, and a Red Hatter ... and
attended many of those meetings with her daughter over the years
she was here. But, in the last couple of years, when she really
needed some of those friends to come and see her, no one did.
I know some could have.

I used to go visit and do and say the silliest things just so she
would laugh, and she would. She always walked me outside to the
screen door of her porch .. and, many times, she said .." You're
something else. I don't think I've ever met anyone quite like you."
... and, she would laugh, and say I was the best neighbor, and
that she loved me. Just a couple of weeks ago, while I was
at my daughter's at Cocoa Beach, Joyce fell and lay there for
over 14 hours before her daughter showed up, probably worried
because her mom hadn't answered the phone. I had never seen
Joyce when she didn't have her Life Alert necklace on. But ...
she wasn't wearing it that night.

I miss her. I kept telling myself ... "I'll go see her tomorrow..."
and then .... tomorrow .... I just waited too long, thinking
she was going to be okay and be there when I got there.

She had finally decided in the last few months that she was ready
to go to Moose Haven, a home over in Jacksonville for Moose members.
She was waiting for a bed to come open. Her daughter had been
threatening to put her over there for a couple of years now, and
Joyce asked her to just wait until August of this year and then
decide. BUT, she has been in and out of hospitals and nursing
homes for the last six months. Her daughter would bring her
home from the hospital, or the home, stay about ten minutes and
leave. So, Joyce realized that she couldn't be alone anymore.

I don't think I'm judging. I just don't understand why the world
has so many situations like that today.

All I know is I can't attend that service. I might be the only
one there who is crying, and I wouldn't want to embarrass my sweet
Roy. Or anyone else. I know I assume a lot when I assume that ..
but, from what I've seen in the last five years .. it could
happen. I would pray not.

Anyway, Bon Voyage, my friend. I know I let you down. But, it
has been a good lesson for me in the future. DON'T put off untl
tomorrow what you can do TODAY !!!!! If you love someone, tell
them today. If someone needs something, help them today.
After all .. All we have is .... today.


BGee
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buckman
Firefly

USA
2701 Posts

Posted - 05/12/2010 :  19:31:24  Show Profile  Visit buckman's Homepage  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Delete Reply
Shadows of Dreams

It's as easy as breathing to fall into love
But, how do we climb back out?
Their hearts weren't meant to be broken
Crushed by the shadows of doubt
He'd told her he was far past any point
There was nothing more to prove
She said don't lie to me and yourself
Truth is you've got nothing to lose.

Their worlds were tumbling in motion
At different and frantic speeds
Never time to think about wants
Each lived according to needs
A soul starts out with evrything
It needs to travel the road
One scared little heart is all we get
Made of flesh and blood not gold

Her eyes held the songs unwritten
Her spirit was flaming and bold
He's an old man who sits by the campfire
and cries when the ashes turn cold
Music was made, debts never paid
The piper doesn't work for free
No regrets, not a one, just shadows of dreams
Where real love becomes a memory

It's as easy as breathing to fall into love
But, how do we climb back out?
Their hearts weren't meant to be broken
Crushed by the shadows of doubt

Music was made, debts never paid
The piper doesn't work for free
No regrets, not a one, just shadows of dreams
Where real love becomes a memory

For Melinda

Hank Beukema revbuckmanmusic 2010
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Karen Runk
Firefly

USA
4924 Posts

Posted - 05/12/2010 :  21:48:32  Show Profile  Edit Reply  Send Karen Runk an AOL message  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Delete Reply
Barb....I'll try to remember that....about not putting off tomorrow. Nice thoughts.

Hank....All I can say is "SIGH"

Karen Runk
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rodeo
Swinger

USA
733 Posts

Posted - 05/15/2010 :  20:21:26  Show Profile  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Delete Reply
I sailed an ocean, unsettled ocean
Through restful waters and deep commotion
Often frightened, unenlightened
Sail on, sail on sailor

--Beach Boys 1973

Edited by - rodeo on 05/15/2010 20:23:24
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buckman
Firefly

USA
2701 Posts

Posted - 05/16/2010 :  09:25:48  Show Profile  Visit buckman's Homepage  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Delete Reply
It Never Crossed My Mind [Jesse's Lament]

Evry day gets harder
When you're eighteen and alone
You're stuck inside your own head
You no longer have a home

The Demons are behind you
They've picked up on your trail
The road goes on forever
But you no longer have a rail

But, I'll never give it up
Give me any spark you find
I'll never take that way out
No, it never crossed my mind
I'll never leave you, Daddy,
I couldn't be that unkind
I'll never leave you, Mommy,
No, it never crossed my mind

It seems they just don't get it
You've given all you've got
The world beat you up today
It brought you to this spot

Go easy on my memry
Like the ticking of a clock
I ran as fast as I could run
Until I tripped on that last rock

But, I'll never give it up
Give me any spark you find
I'll never take that way out
No, it never crossed my mind
I'll never leave you, Daddy,
I couldn't be that unkind
I'll never leave you, Mommy,
No, it never crossed my mind

Hank Beukema April 2005
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rodeo
Swinger

USA
733 Posts

Posted - 05/20/2010 :  05:03:57  Show Profile  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Delete Reply
"They might not need me;
...but they might.
I'll let my head be just in sight.

A smile as small as mine might be
precisely their necessity," she said.

The "She" would be
Emily D
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BarbraG
Windchimer

1812 Posts

Posted - 05/26/2010 :  20:17:49  Show Profile  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Delete Reply
Have you ever heard a love song that broke your heart into..
Just stopped you by the roadside, tears welling up in you ..
You didn't know the singer and you hadn't heard the song --
But, you had to stop and listen .. the music was so strong ..

You lingered there just long enough for the song to fade away
And knew you'd have to buy this one, to have for a rainy day.
You had to stop and listen close-- 'til the singer was all done ...
The words had been so beautiful from the moment it had begun.

Have you ever heard a love song that stopped you on your way?
A songwriter sang his songs, to brighten up his sorrowed days ..
You could feel the pain and sadness, the heartbreak and the strife --
That made him write the music that brought comfort to your life..

When a singer sings a song that makes you take two steps back..
It might help you to remember when your life was not on track --
Words like - "times were so bad, but I remember the good"..
Can make you look back on things like you never thought you could.

Have you ever heard a love song that stopped you in your tracks?
The singer wrapped his words with music that keeps you coming back..
The melody is so soft and sweet, and you have to find the song--
The song that stopped you on your way, and kept you much too long ..

Have you ever heard a love song .. that broke your heart into ?
And stopped you by the roadside .. tears welling up in you ...



BGee
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Ailinn
Windchimer

1613 Posts

Posted - 05/27/2010 :  16:28:32  Show Profile  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Delete Reply
-for Joe Z

Angels at the window staring in. Curious and still.
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rodeo
Swinger

USA
733 Posts

Posted - 05/27/2010 :  18:02:19  Show Profile  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Delete Reply
They were told that these things would not happen during their lifetime, but many years later, during yours.......It is all so wonderful that even the angels are eagerly watching these things happen.
1 Peter 1:12
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Ailinn
Windchimer

1613 Posts

Posted - 05/27/2010 :  18:55:12  Show Profile  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Delete Reply
There are nights when she leaves her body to follow his. When she stands in the open door of his heart holding her breath five miles from the border. Nights with candles and shadows and trellised roses at the door.
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Doug L
Firefly

Canada
5422 Posts

Posted - 05/31/2010 :  06:56:03  Show Profile  Visit Doug L's Homepage  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Delete Reply
HANEY

Ol' Haney in the kitchen
Detached from all he's known
Don't pay him much attention now
Leave him be alone
Smoking home-rolled cigarettes
Since Ethel passed away
They'd both taken to talkin' less
Wasn't much to say
And remembering is trouble
Old age can be a curse
Haney once said bad luck's there
To save us all from worse
Save us all from worse

That kitchen table Haney has
Cracks deep in the wood
His wife'd scrub it awful hard
Didn't do much good
Jam and dirt and whiskey
Sealed the cracks like glue
A table like that, I'm not sure
If it was ever new
He'd smoke, she'd read the Bible
He'd cough, she'd quote a verse
Haney told me bad luck's there
To save us all from worse
Save us all from worse

Winter's hard on older folks
Can't make it to the store
Grand kids all living far away
At work or off to war
Ain't like it was before
He sits there by the door

When Ethel died he got a kitten
Gave the cat her name
Calls that kitty Ethel Jr
Life goes on the same
Smokin' in the kitchen
Whiskey in a glass
Bible on the table
Where she set it last
When it comes to eatin'
He feeds Ethel Jr first
Bad luck, Haney told me
Is there to save us all from worse
Save us all from worse

DL
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BarbraG
Windchimer

1812 Posts

Posted - 05/31/2010 :  18:06:31  Show Profile  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Delete Reply
You can't go home again, they say..
How can you go that far?
The folks you loved and left behind --
each followed their own star..
It ain't what it used to be, you see
Though dreams are drifting by..
Of times you loved from long ago..
and memories that make you cry ..

You can't go home again and see
the old porch rockers from the past..
When loved ones sat and rocked at night
and spoke of things they thought would last..
There is some comfort in looking back--
But, you can't get there from here..
So, hold your memories and your dreams..
So that you'll always ... have them near ..

You can't go home again .....
...... they say ...


BGee











Edited by - BarbraG on 06/08/2010 20:08:18
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Karen Runk
Firefly

USA
4924 Posts

Posted - 05/31/2010 :  18:59:59  Show Profile  Edit Reply  Send Karen Runk an AOL message  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Delete Reply
Sigh.....and sigh, again

Karen Runk
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buckman
Firefly

USA
2701 Posts

Posted - 06/01/2010 :  19:31:48  Show Profile  Visit buckman's Homepage  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Delete Reply
I sat in the dark in the back of the saloon,
saving the world...

I could smell the fear,
the loneliness and the desperation in the room.

And that was just me.

OK, just kidding. I wasn't afraid.

The other two things just sorta grew on me,
like hunger, no, that's not exactly right;
more like lines on a man's face.
After years of not looking,
one day they were just there.

Loneliness and desperation were okay,
but what with what I did,
fear was not, I thought
as I reached for the green bottle
and looked at the gun lying next to it...

One for the lonely, one for the fear;
The desperation I let go it's own way.
Like hunger, it helped me keep an edge...

It was good for business...
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Grania
Rocker

105 Posts

Posted - 06/03/2010 :  18:05:31  Show Profile  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Delete Reply
Holes in the cloudbank. Thready stars showing through. Something wild coming up off the ocean. His spirit in the galley bent to navigation, knowing what moves under. Deep and heavy and slow.

God, it takes a long
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Joey L.
Swinger

USA
1355 Posts

Posted - 06/03/2010 :  18:38:15  Show Profile  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Delete Reply
TIME.

..... lay me down in the verdant green ...

The Future's Not ...
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Karen Runk
Firefly

USA
4924 Posts

Posted - 06/04/2010 :  20:40:49  Show Profile  Edit Reply  Send Karen Runk an AOL message  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Delete Reply
It is a quiet night in this room

Karen Runk
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Dave
Swinger

USA
1394 Posts

Posted - 06/04/2010 :  20:47:24  Show Profile  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Delete Reply
As it should be..
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Craig
Firefly

Kyrgyzstan
3744 Posts

Posted - 06/04/2010 :  20:49:16  Show Profile  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Delete Reply
Yes. As it should be...

Craig
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BarbraG
Windchimer

1812 Posts

Posted - 06/04/2010 :  20:51:32  Show Profile  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Delete Reply
Oil in the Gulf. Fear in the eyes of the residents. Tourist
season cancelled. Pockets and cupboards empty. The peace found
on the beach gone. Hurricane season is nigh. Or, is it? Not
one hit our shores last year. Pray for another "no hurricane"
summer.


BGee
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